Raise your hand if you hate dating.
If you’re like me, this isn’t something you’re a pro at. I mean dating is hard, confusing, and nerve wracking. I’m as awkward as a running giraffe in high heels when it comes to first dates. Just picture that in your head lol.
Making your life easier, I created a checklist of 3 Do’s and Don’ts for a first date.
First of all, I’m nowhere near experienced enough in the dating scene (like I don’t think i’m qualified to write this). My dates are sparse and years apart, but they weren’t in vain. I learned something from each date, and I watched my friends through their dates and partners. I witnessed how the dating landscape changed throughout the years, and I immerse myself reading women’s dating stories (CupofJo & Manrepeller are my faves).
Now, I understand everybody dates for different reasons. I dated with the goal of finding a potential partner (I finally snagged one btw lol), but I know some people date just for fun or with no intentions.
And that’s perfectly okay. Everyone’s dating goals are valid and worthy.
Whatever your goals are for dating, hopefully this list of 3 Do’s & Don’ts will ease your worries for your first date.
- BE YOURSELF. Don’t pretend or impress. Share your wacky passions and dreams, your vulnerabilities, your hobbies and odd collections. Because when you hide the real you, you’re only hurting yourself in the long run. If someone really likes you, they’ll want to hear what you love. Plus, you’ll ease your date’s fears by being yourself because they see you’re a real human being with insecurities and dreams.
- HAVE FUN. While first dates are nerve wracking, they should be fun. You’re meeting a new person and sharing an experience with them, even if it’s fleeting. Make the most of it, and live it up however you want. This is your life, you’re allowed to have fun in it. Throw out those rules saying you can’t make-out, hold hands, get matching tattoos (maybe think hard on that one lol), or whatever! Life is too short.
- STAY SAFE. Now I hate fear-mongering to the max, but we live in a dangerous world. You’re still going on a date with a stranger, and you don’t know their intentions. Keep your friends updated and have a safe code you can text them. Drive yourself if you can, and listen to your gut. You don’t owe your date anything. If you feel uncomfortable, you’re not obligated to finish a date. Your safety is more important.
- NO SOUL-MATE COMPLEX. I know my generation was raised on Disney and Hallmark so I get it, but don’t go on a first date thinking this person is your soulmate. Throw the entire concept out the door. You’re only ruining the fun and mystery of dating someone if you pick apart every imperfection. Even if it’s a one-time date, it’s still worthwhile. Think of your first date as making a new friend and not finding the “One.”
- DON’T IGNORE RED FLAGS. This goes back to safety. Don’t ignore or pretend something’s okay when it’s not. Watch out for these red flags: treating waiters/waitresses rudely, insulting you or your friends in play, bringing up an ex, acting overly arrogant or constantly bragging, never asking you any questions, using their phone the whole time, etc. If you observe any of these behaviors, bring it up! Leave if you want. You don’t owe anything to your date.
- DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF. When going on a first date, you may find yourself sharing a meal with a narcissist (or any loser for that matters). These types will pick you apart and find ways to tear you down. Don’t fall in the trap thinking you’re not enough. NO one is perfect including you or your date. Even if you were out of the scene for ten years (that’s how long I was out), you’re still an amazing human being worthy of an amazing date. Stop worrying about your own insecurities or if you’re bombing it, and just have fun. Don’t let ungodly expectations ruin it.
While these tips are not perfect or anything astounding, I hope they lift the weight and burden of dating from your shoulders. Sometimes I wish I had these tips while I was dating.
I was so hard on myself, plus I let others shame me, while dating. Don’t let anyone shame you, or yourself, for dating imperfectly.
While I don’t have many relationship or dating tips posted (I’m planning it though!), I hope these lifestyle posts give you positive vibes today.
So what are your thoughts on these tips? Do you have any advice for first dates? I’d love to hear your thoughts.